Lingerie, Sore Knees, and Male Shoppers
At the top of the list of things that I most don't like to do, shopping has a hallowed spot. Granted, there are a couple of things that I would hate to do more, but my editors would have six strokes if I entered into dialogues about any of them here. Being respectful of their wishes, and also respectful of the fact that writing a column that no one would print is rather pointless, I'll move forward and get right to the point. I was forced into a shopping experience for a computer part today, and while doing that l learned a tad more about women, which is always a good thing.First off, about my computer - a few days ago I spilled something I shouldn't have on my keyboard, which necessitated the purchase of another one. After I got all of the cussing out of my system, I grimly realized that I was going to have to enter that one true hell for all men, a shopping mall.
Honest to God, I'm cringing just writing down those two words. Shopping malls are the bane of all genuine men, and for good reason:1. Concrete floors covered with just carpet on top of them are not designed for the male knee, especially the middle aged male knee which has already been weakened by football, baseball, and untold years of household chores like working on plumbing problems underneath the sink. If malls were designed for men, they would Astro Turf the floors, but they're not, so no need to waste any more time wishing for it.2. As if "1" wasn't bad enough, ninety-five percent of the stores in most malls cater to women, in fact, they sell uniquely female items - make-up, feminine hygiene related products, and last, but certainly not least, lingerie.
We'll talk more about lingerie in a minute.With all that having been said, I went to a shopping mall today looking for a replacement keyboard. As I walked and grimaced my way along the rows of stores, I quickly found a computer joint, went in, and bought my keyboard. I had only spent about twenty total minutes inside the mall, so I was feeling pretty darned proud of myself for being so efficient. And then, it happened....I still can't explain just exactly why, but I happened to walk up on one of those mall lingerie shops. Y'all know the name, I'm sure, and I just happened to walk right up on it.
And, for some reason that I can't quite explain, I was transfixed. So transfixed that I walked right on in and started looking around.Guys, let me tell you, they had stuff in there that would make just about any fantasy you've ever had about a woman come true. I was goin' around gawking like a two year old who'd just discovered chocolate, when this lady came up and asked me if I needed help? I figured that I can always use help, so we started talkin' - our conversation went something like this:"Mam, I'm sorry to be taking up your time, but this just beats all I've ever seen.""What can I help you with, sir?""I will never understand this, mam.""Understand what, sir?""Mam, my brain is just going crazy looking around at all this stuff. It's like a Six Flags Adventure Park for a red blooded male. Does this stuff sell well, mam?""Sir, we have a healthy business situation.""As well you should, mam.
I'll just never figure this out.""Figure out what, sir?""Well, with lingerie, it seems like the more you get to see of the woman the more it costs. Take these little lace and postage stamp sized bottoms right here, they cover nothing, yet they cost $125. Worse yet, if you buy them, the whole goal is to get them off the woman as soon as is humanly possible. The whole deal makes no sense at all.""Sir, we could talk forever about this, but there are other customers that I need to help. So let me leave you with this to ponder - if buying lingerie for your special lady ultimately gets you what you want, why do you care if it makes sense to you or not?"With that, she walked away.Know something? She's one hundred percent right.
Know something else? She wasn't half bad looking herself, and I'm fighting to not think about how she would've looked in that tiger striped ensemble with the gold sequins all over it.....
Ed?s latest book, ?Rough As A Cob,? can be ordered by calling River City Publishing toll-free at: 877-408-7078. He?s also a popular after dinner speaker, and his column runs in a number of Southeastern publications. You can contact him via email at: ed3@ed-williams.com, or through his web site address at: www.ed-williams.com.Mac plus monitor Latest Mac Technology
The Apple II and IBM PC computer lines were "cloned" by other manufacturers who had reverse-engineered the minimal amount of firmware in the computers' ROM chips and subsequently legally produced computers that would run the same software.
The Mac Plus has up to 4 Megs of RAM, and an internal 800K floppy drive. Most are tan (beige), later models were "platinum" (off-white with grey keys). This one is pictured with an optional external 800K drive, the extended keyboard, and mouse. Some units with faded colors or uneven fading are offered at a discount. The 128K and 512K look very similar but have different connectors than the Plus for printer and modem; and there are variations in labeling.
Mac Plus, tan, little to slight fading, with 4 Megs RAM, 800K floppy: ask for price, state cosmetic condition, note if you want a keyboard and mouse.
Mac 512K's or 512KE's hardly ever come up in surplus so it's hard to get more.
Mac SE FDHD or SuperDrive:...
Keyboard > Mac plus monitor Latest Mac Technology
FireFly Lighted Keyboard Introduced at CeBIT at IC INTRACOM's Exhibit
HANNOVER, Germany (ContentDesk) March 24, 2004 -- The new FireFly Lighted Keyboard uses patented Electro-Luminescent (EL) technology to produce a soft glow that highlights the keyboard's lettering and alleviates eyestrain common among computer users. This keyboard is being introduced at CeBIT, the world's largest computer trade show, in Hannover, Germany, March 18-24th, 2004. The FireFly Keyboard will be on display at IC INTRACOM's exhibit located at Hall 16, Stand C06. "The FireFly Keyboard offers advantages not found in earlier lighted keyboards or more recent knock-off products that may violate the FireFly patent," said Ben Zupan, Director of Global Marketing for IC INTRACOM. "Under normal use, the Electro-Luminescence has a lifetime of 20 years and features a convenient on/off switch.
The FireFly offers a better experience for home-office workers, college students, PC gamers, LAN party enthusiasts, graphic artists, case modders and others." The FireFly Lighted Keyboard features...
FireFly Lighted Keyboard Introduced at CeBIT at IC INTRACOM's Exhibit
Keyboard > FireFly Lighted Keyboard Introduced at CeBIT at IC INTRACOM's Exhibit
The Psychedelic Keyboard Summit featuring: Vince Welnick (the Grateful Dead & The Tubes), Tom Constanten & Bob Bralove (the Grateful Dead), and band, will perform with The Great Valley High School Orchestra in Malvern, PA
(ContentDesk) September 30, 2004 - Students in the orchestra at Great Valley High School, in Malvern, PA, are about to have a once in a lifetime experience.
On October 1, the students will get the opportunity to perform onstage with alumni from The Grateful Dead.
To make matters even more exciting, the orchestra, led by Dick Sutcliffe and Doug Wilford, will be premiering an entire concerto written by Grateful Dead alumni Bob Bralove, Tom Constanten and Vince Welnick.In a return engagement to Great Valley Performing Arts Center, Bralove, Constanten and Welnick and band ? The Psychedelic Keyboard Summit, will perform new and vintage material for the first half of the evening.
Continuing the tradition of the Grateful Dead music and light shows, they will also utilize an additional visual component, integrating cutting edge video projection technology developed by Bob Bralove, something he calls "Digital Fingerpainting".
This technology allows images to...
Keyboard > The Psychedelic Keyboard Summit featuring: Vince Welnick (the Grateful Dead & The Tubes), Tom Constanten & Bob Bralove (the Grateful Dead), and band, will perform with The Great Valley High School Orchestra in Malvern, PA
FrogPad? and SCOTTeVEST? Introduce First Wearable Frog, the Industry?s First One Handed Fabric Keyboard with Bluetooth Wireless Technology
FrogPad, an innovator in data entry methods for mobile computing, and innovative clothing maker SCOTTeVEST INC., joined forces to introduce its latest innovation:
the FrogPad SCOTTeVEST, the latest in mobile computing attire ? making it possible for seamless data entry from anywhere.
The FrogPad SCOTTeVEST is a portable fabric keyboard with Bluetooth technology that is integrated into some of SCOTTeVEST's line of clothing.
The wearable FrogPad is compatible with all Macs and PCs supporting the Bluetooth Human Interface Device (HID) profile, which describes how a keyboard will communicate with another Bluetooth device.
SCOTTeVEST designs garments with today's mobile device user in mind, incorporating ergonomically designed pockets and a patented Personal Area Network (PAN) by Technology Enabled Clothing? (TEC) to manage and conceal wires from headsets.
FrogPad and SCOTTeVEST are seeking partners to bring their combined technology and innovations...
Keyboard > FrogPad? and SCOTTeVEST? Introduce First Wearable Frog, the Industry?s First One Handed Fabric Keyboard with Bluetooth Wireless Technology
workSafe: New RSI Prevention Software
Bournemouth, UK (ContentDesk) February 15, 2004--The software monitors work patterns and decides when a break from repetitive keyboard or mouse action is required.
Calculations tuned to the human body measure strain, based on current and previous computer usage. Whilst clever underneath, the software is simple to use, with only three slider settings to be set by each user.During enforced breaks at the computer, workSafe shows exercise movies with descriptive text to ease physical and mental strain. A variety of ?safeTips' appear on-screen when the user becomes under keyboard/mouse pressure, giving many ergonomic suggestions.Binary Logic has modelled current medical opinions to a real-time analysis engine within the software creating a "measure" of human strain.Research shows that with well chosen recovery time, the algorithm is remarkably efficient at tracking your recovery during rest periods. This is where workSafe supersedes time-out based systems currently on the market...
Keyboard > workSafe: New RSI Prevention Software
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